I have a deep vision of what I want my life to be like. It is pure and intentional - focused on friends and those in need. It requires less of me. Less stuff, less money, less time. I long for something more from my life. More adventure. More community. More energy. I want to be part of an intimate, sacrificial, authentic Christian community. I want to live on less money than we make. I want to consume less, throw away less, need less. I want that deep vision to become reality now. I need it so profoundly. I keep thinking I am not doing enough. I want to see that life - feel that life - be that life. Sometimes I feel so heavy. I think of all our possessions, our debts, our responsibilities, and I just want to do something dramatic to make it happen now.
I was listening to the song below and yearning deeply for a simple, pure life when suddenly I realized that I am living this life. Oh, I am not where I want to be, but I was profoundly struck by how far I have come. How much less I need. How much we are paying off our debts. How much simpler my life is this year than it was last year. I am on a road to my dream. I am moving toward it. Slowly but very surely. The seeds have been planted! What a revelation! Though I cannot see the flower, I see the tender green shoot bursting hopefully from the soil. In that I rest and find peace.
This is my prayer tonight:
Father, Mother, Friend. I yearn for meaning, for simplicity. It is coming! Glory! Hallelujah! Lord, help me to keep moving. Give me peace as I run this race - a restless contentment. In the name of the one who sustains me, Amen.
